{anchor of the soul}

i shoved off several years ago

in my hastily acquired lifeboat

from the comforts that coddled me in my youth

saltwater easier to swallow then truth

like tears running down my beard

into an ocean who never asked me my opinion

whose waves and winds have separated friends

whose tranquil depths frustrate my restlessness

10 times 10 to the infinite

i look to the sky having exhausted my options

with the oars in my hands

the blood and the sand

running through my veins

like a terrified man

haunted by the memory

of a warm summer beach and a reckless inquiry

into the meaning of things

i turn the oars loose

watch them swim out of view

like drunken fish carrying a tune

i put my hands in the water

bring the pool to my face

adrift in this query

alone is escape

the cold water awakens

bringing color to my skin

rouses me from the slumber

sets me right again

i look over the side for a reflection at sea

so long since i saw myself as anything but me

the night shimmers on the mirror

i put the mirror in my hands

it slips through my fingers

as does the sand

i know that i need it to understand

i know i can’t hold it  i know that i can’t

locking my fingers closing the gaps

the water remains within my grasp

i see in the mirror someone i’ve met

his eyes brilliant with light like the stars overhead

i lean in close

he is going to speak

i can feel his voice inside of me

“you were never adrift

you never left

this boat is the shore

your anchor regret

cast off your worries

unfurl your sail

the future is wind and spray and gale”

unspeakable joy flooded my soul

as i pushed off again from the ole shore

a new peace in my heart a fresh hope in my eyes

as i set a course to a point which would never arrive

i gave up my oars for the bellowing wind

waves crashing all about me but none could come in

a smile stretched across my face all weathered and wet

as i finally grasped that

i haven’t grasped anything yet


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